I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
