We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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