You're my little dorito
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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