well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
