maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
