i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
