Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
