Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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