I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
