The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
