After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
