I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
