just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
