I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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