Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
