If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
