I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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