If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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