Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
