Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I stole a fireplace last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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