question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
