thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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