I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
