Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
