I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
