is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
