he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
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