let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
