and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
