is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
