I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
