It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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