Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
