Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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