dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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