i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
