Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Jerry, you need to find god
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
