Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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