oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
