I want you more than these girls want KFC
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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