i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
