It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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