dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
