i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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