Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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