Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
