Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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