I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
false alarm, still single
Randomize
