I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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