so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
